If His grace is sufficient, why do I beat myself up?
To say that I am a type A person, would just tap the surface of the truth. I always want to be able to do all the things just right the first time. Though I am the type to also read the instructions for something, the feeling of accomplishing the task to a T gives me a rush. So you can imagine the level of disappointment I feel when the things do not end well, come together, or make sense. This disappointment leads me down a rabbit hole of emotions that are not productive or healthy. I try to uphold the meaning of my name; (Carol means: to sing especially in a joyful manner according to Merriam-Webster), and most days I pull that off. Then there are moments, days, weeks, and sometimes seasons that I tend to just wear it as a mask. One of those times was just a few days ago. I won't bore you with the details of the things I was not able to do to a T, but I will take you down the rabbit hole. But don't worry, I make my way out.
Finding that I was not able to come to terms with a mistake I had made, or to fix it myself had me in my head. Not a place I like to be stuck. In our heads thoughts can be jumbled far from the truth of who God says we are. In my opinion that is a dangerous state, I do not like living there! So what did I do, and what can you do to scratch your way out of there? We are learning about this very thing from our Pastor's most recent messages. Well, that's what I am learning from them anyway. Hang with me, it is about to become crystal clear. Pastor Mitch has been teaching on "Purposeful Practices", a more abrasive way to say it, Spiritual Disciplines. (Without them- The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full. - John 10:10). No one likes the word disciplines, it implies there is work to be done. In order to dig out of the rabbit hole(s), there is work required; meditation, prayer, reading the word. As I was moping in the hole, I found the word of God was the most helpful tool I had to rise to the surface and come out singing that joyful song. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12 about the thorn in his flesh; a messenger of Satan, to torment me. (verse 7). My thorn in this case was not the mistake I couldn't fix, but the place I let my negative thoughts about myself take me. This is the part that snapped me back to the reality of who I am in Christ: Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore (this word lets us know that the next few words are the consequences of the preceding), I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (verses 8-9) Scripture application: If I become weak that means the Lord will have power over my situation instead of me. The result, peace (an exercise in faith I am trying to master). The mistake still needs fixed, help is on the way. I am okay with allowing someone to help me, another exercise I am trying to master.
Next time you beat yourself up over, name your poison, remember there is no shame in becoming weak when you know, YOU KNOW, that God's grace is always sufficient!